This is Erin speaking. I just wanted to share a little bit of how I am feeling these days. Eric has been writing most of this blog (who knew he was such a great writer?!) but I wanted to add something today. These days I vacillate between feeling good and encouraged for my recovery, and feeling completely overwhelmed and like I will NEVER return to feeling normal and have the energy I used to have. How did I get so many kids?!?! J And they are needy and energetic and it sometimes seems too much for me. I love them so much and am so thankful for them, but wow. Some “normal” things now terrify me: 1) Getting up in the morning (not my best time) and getting breakfast for everyone and everyone dressed 2) Getting 4 kids into my van and somewhere anytime before noon 3)Cleaning my own house 4)Being home alone with the kids when Eric is on an on-call weekend 5) Going to the grocery store with or without the kids (Let’s be honest, taking them all to the grocery store terrified me on my best day J) I know what you are thinking, no one is expecting me to do these things right now. And you are right. But it is hard to believe I will ever be able to do them. I know God has brought me so far in just a few weeks and will continue to strengthen me day by day.
One thing I have learned through this whole ordeal is a burden to pray for the chronically ill. I have the hope (Eric promises me!) of a full recovery, but many live with pain every day. This experience has taught me a lot about people with chronic pain. I have such empathy for them and my heart breaks that they have to spend their lives feeling this way. Lord, give me compassion for these people, bring them to mind, and help me to pray for them faithfully. Most of them you would never know b/c they are quiet about their pain. God, take away their pain. I can’t wait for Heaven (or as Cole would say, the New Earth) where there will be no more night, no more pain, no more tears, never crying again. Jesus, come soon and deliver us!
Lastly, I wanted to share a thought from a devotional my sweet friend Heather K. sent to me. It was the first one I read in the book (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young) and I couldn’t believe how perfect it was and how it spoke to our situation so well.
“Trust me in every detail of your life. Nothing is random in my kingdom. Everything that happens fits into a pattern for good, for those who love Me. Instead of trying to analyze the intricacies of the pattern, focus your energy on trusting Me and thanking Me at all times. Nothing is wasted when you walk close to Me.”
I love the part that nothing is wasted. My time in the hospital, all the pain, the struggle, none of that is wasted. God will somehow choose to use this in our lives. “Not to us O Lord, not to us, but to your Name be the Glory forever”.
So overwhelming. I felt that after the c-section (no comparison I know). Will be praying you will begin to feel better by leaps and bounds instead of inches. How much longer will you have your mom with you?
ReplyDeleteE, thank you for being so transparent. Even after like what? 9 years or something, I feel like I'm still getting to know you. You are beautiful. Never, ever, ever hesitate to call me on those days when life is too overwhelming.... I love you. I can come & pick up a few kids & let you rest :) It blesses me to be able to do that.
ReplyDeleteI agree with your friends above...most of those things scare me (and do!) without a surgery. i remember after each csection (again, no comparison) that i would wonder how i would ever be able to do everything again, and somehow eventually i did. but honestly, being sick or after a surgery, is the WORST. you feel so helpless and you just want to hop up and DO what you are used to doing. it's so frustrating. i am thinking of you daily, wondering how you are doing, wondering if you are frustrated or doing ok. praying for calmness, peace, and joy, even in the midst of this set back. love the devotional you shared. so comforting to know that nothing is wasted with God. He's amazing.
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