It was going to take about an hour to get the OR ready so they decided to transfer her to the surgical ICU. At this point I knew Erin was sick and I was scared, but I felt a weird mixture of nervousness and relief. For the past 48 hours I had felt like I was in the middle of the familiar nightmare where I was running full speed but not getting anywhere. Now that we were finally getting somewhere I was able to let go a little. Plus, she was going into my part of the hospital now, the SICU, where I knew all the nurses and residents. Erin was in the ICU for about a half hour and I have two vivid memories of that time. One memory was of Dr. K. pulling me aside and telling me that I needed to shut off the doctor part of my brain and concentrate on being a husband and father. He also said that I will need to pace myself because this is going to be a long night and a long road. He said he knew this personally because sixteen years ago he went through a similar situation when his wife almost died after the birth of their baby girl. She had an undiagnosed bleeding disorder (vWF deficiency) and required an emergent hysterectomy due to uncontrollable hemorrhage. It meant a lot to me that he could empathize with my situation, and it only made me trust him more with Erin’s life. I knew that he would work his hardest to keep her alive because he knew that the stakes were high.
When the ICU staff was preparing Erin for surgery I was in at her bedside trying to comfort her and be with her before they took her away. For some reason I walked out of the room into the hallway and out of no where stood my very good friend Jeremy Bergwerf. It was impeccable timing. At that very moment the gravity of the situation and the emotion I had built up hit me all at once and I fell apart. We embraced and I lost it. I began sobbing uncontrollably into his chest (he’s 6’7) right in front of everyone. Not only was I a grown man crying, but also a chief resident that had broken down in front of the residents I led, the nurses who had followed my orders, and the surgeons who were my bosses. I didn’t really care, and perhaps it made them work all the more to keep Erin alive. Jeremy being there was definitely a God thing, and was actually a little eerie. I don’t know why, but about a year ago I had daydreamed about what would happen if Erin and I had a major tragedy. At that time I thought, “Who would be my support system in a time of dire need? Who would comfort me if something ever happened to Erin?” I envisioned a scenario similar to what took place that Sunday in the surgical ICU, with me bawling while hugging Jeremy. How strange that God would foreshadow to me something like this. I get chills thinking about it again. Other friends from church also came to the ICU and their support was invaluable.
As I was signing the consent for surgery at the desk (the same forms that I had gone over with countless patients) the OR team came and whisked Erin away to surgery. Just two minutes earlier I had been at her bedside and told her I loved her and that everything was going to be OK, but as she was leaving I didn't take the chance to say “goodbye” one last time. I could hear her parents talking to her and at that moment I should have chased her down the hallway to kiss her again and hold her hand as she rode the elevator down to the OR area. I knew that she was being wheeled away from me, but I just sat there signing. If she would have died on the table I would have regretted that decision the rest of my life. I guess God knew that this wasn’t the end and that Erin and I would get plenty more chances to be together.
As Erin tells her side of the story, her memories of going to the OR are funny to me. It is a place so familiar to me yet so foreign to my closest companion. I had spent countless hours there, yet she had only heard stories. Now she was going to the OR and I was forced to wait for the story.
“I then remember being in the operating room and looking around thinking ‘this is where Eric works everyday’. I tried to take it all in. There were a ton of people in the OR, probably 12. I knew a lot of them and they talked to me and tried to distract me from the arterial line they were having trouble getting in. My mouth was so dry, and I wanted an ice chip so bad, but they put a mask over my mouth and told me to relax. The next thing I remember I was waking up in the recovery area.”
Erin underwent an emergent hysterectomy that night by the OB/GYN friend of mine I called to get a second opinion. Dr. K was there to help and they both said her uterus was severely infected and she had pus all throughout her abdomen. She definitely needed surgery that night and would have died without it. In fact, there was a strong chance she would die even with surgery. Erin had a Group A Strep infection of her endometrium (lining of the uterus) that had spread all throughout her body. Group A Strep is notorious for spreading quickly and being lethal. By the time she went to surgery she had bacteria growing in her urine, blood, abdomen and uterus. The toxins from this bacteria caused her to be septic with a toxic shock syndrome and her body took a major insult.
Many friends and family showed up and stayed with me until Erin was out of the OR. I really felt the peace of God while in the waiting room. I knew there was nothing I could do but pray and wait, so it was probably the most relaxed I had been in the past two days. However, it was in the waiting room that we realized that poor little Tucker, only 3 days old, was still in the newborn nursery set to be evicted that night by 10pm. I realized that in addition to taking care of Erin, I also had to take care of a newborn and the three older boys. But, as I looked around the waiting room I realized that I was not alone. Erin's parents and our church family had already begun organizing the "Mitchell Grand Plan" of how we were going to manage all the things that Erin usually takes care of on a day to day basis. More on that later.
Many friends and family showed up and stayed with me until Erin was out of the OR. I really felt the peace of God while in the waiting room. I knew there was nothing I could do but pray and wait, so it was probably the most relaxed I had been in the past two days. However, it was in the waiting room that we realized that poor little Tucker, only 3 days old, was still in the newborn nursery set to be evicted that night by 10pm. I realized that in addition to taking care of Erin, I also had to take care of a newborn and the three older boys. But, as I looked around the waiting room I realized that I was not alone. Erin's parents and our church family had already begun organizing the "Mitchell Grand Plan" of how we were going to manage all the things that Erin usually takes care of on a day to day basis. More on that later.
Often I ask my patients and their families what they have learned by going through a major illness and a hospitalization. I get various answers, some profound, others not. Because of Erin’s infection I had the opportunity to be the husband instead of the doctor. I was the one on the other side of the bed who had to be stressed, tired, and anxious while trying to be calm, patient, trusting, and faithful. As I ask myself “What have you learned from this experience”, several things come to mind.
T The human body is strong and miraculous but is also susceptible. The human spirit is the same. Erin’s body took a major hit with the sepsis and need for surgery. She was doing so well after the delivery until the bacteria rapidly infected her uterus. Her body was strong enough to begin to fight the sepsis and hold on for 2 days until the doctors could figure out what the cause was. However, given time the infection would have overcome her body’s ability to fight. She mounted such an inflammatory response that she required an emergent hysterectomy and a lot of ICU care to stay alive. Again, her body possessed the reserve to handle such a stress that she is now bouncing back relatively quickly. Both her spirit and mine have also been tested and stretched. Through it all she remained optimistic and resolved, but was also susceptible to doubt, fear, and anxiety. Her attitude was so positive and she pushed herself to get better, doing all the things the nurses asked of her. However, periods of anxiety did come, and she was forced to deal with the emotions of having a baby at home and not being able to take care of it, as well as three other boys who are out of routine. My mind went through a similar battle, trying to stay strong and optimistic yet plagued with “what ifs” and fears. After Erin came out of surgery that Sunday night all I can remember is kneeling at her bedside holding her hand saying “Please God don’t take her away from me.” That night of the surgery was the most stressful and fear provoking time of my entire life. That brings me to learning point number two. Where I am weak, He is strong. Never before have I been so scared, so nervous, so helpless. Having the physician mind only made it worse. However, through this experience I have learned more than ever before that it is during these times of helplessness that we have the opportunity to glorify the Lord the most. Completely resting in his hands and dwelling in His courts is where God wants us to be. He wants us to be completely broken and to cry out to him for help. Unfortunately in our culture of self sufficiency it takes tragedy and affliction to humble us enough to get to this point.
Psalm 27
1 The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid? 2 When the wicked advance against me to devour[a] me, it is my enemies and my foes who will stumble and fall. 3 Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then I will be confident. 4 One thing I ask from the LORD, this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple. 5 For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent and set me high upon a rock.
It is such a blessing to be a part of the body of Christ. I don’t know where we would be if it weren’t for the hundreds of people from around the world who have prayed and are still praying for us. Plus, the outpouring of love and support from our family, church body, and friends brings me to tears every time I think of it. I hope that the non Christians who witness this support want desperately to have what we have…the Love of Christ poured out on us first through salvation, and then through a body of people that all work, live and sacrifice out of gratitude for what Christ first did for us.
of whom shall I be afraid? 2 When the wicked advance against me to devour[a] me, it is my enemies and my foes who will stumble and fall. 3 Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then I will be confident. 4 One thing I ask from the LORD, this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple. 5 For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent and set me high upon a rock.
It is such a blessing to be a part of the body of Christ. I don’t know where we would be if it weren’t for the hundreds of people from around the world who have prayed and are still praying for us. Plus, the outpouring of love and support from our family, church body, and friends brings me to tears every time I think of it. I hope that the non Christians who witness this support want desperately to have what we have…the Love of Christ poured out on us first through salvation, and then through a body of people that all work, live and sacrifice out of gratitude for what Christ first did for us.
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