So, how's life with 4 kids??

People often ask me, "how's life with four kids?". Honestly, it depends on the day. Some days, I feel like "I've Got This!", everyone is fed, dressed (that may mean pajamas- people, don't expect too much) and all pee has found its way into the potty. However, sometimes there are weeks like this one, where I feel like I am drowning in children. I felt a true connection with the man that wrote this: "I’m sorry.  I had no idea we had so many freaking kids. Really.  Having four kids is not having four individual children.  That sort of “simple math” does not apply to children.  1+1+1+1 does NOT equal 4.  Adding up children is like another form of Eastern math that none of us understand.  1+1+1+1 clearly equals 64.  You have 64 children.  That’s the only thing that could explain why my bedroom sounded like an overcrowded daycare in the hood from 7-7:30am and 3:45-8:00pm.  The correct (eastern) math is 1x4x4x4.  And that equals 64.  You have 64 children.  And I had no idea.  I’m sorry." after suffering in his bed with the flu for a week.  (Aaron Ivey) 

This week, four kids feels like 64. I'm tired from staying up late all weekend with awesome friends (don't regret), Eric's working till 8:00+ each night, I am potting training (YES-STILL!), I started cloth diapering again (I know, glutton for punishment here), I've had appointments, a crawling inquisitive baby, kids who want 3 meals a day (how demanding they are!) and my house is a dirty pit. 

The crazy part? We want more kids! (right, Eric? Right?) As much as I wish our little girl(s) was here with us, as much as I ache for her to be here with her forever family, I know that God's timing is perfect. Let's be honest, she might get lost in the hot mess that we are this week. As I write this, the natives are probably flooding the bathroom or trying to feed their baby brother whole hot dogs, peanuts and other equally dangerous non-baby foods.....I better go..... Lord, thank you for your perfect timing. And for not always going with my "really good, super specific, perfect plan". 

Surgery Board Exam

New Orleans is the site of this years Super Bowl. After preseason practices, a 16 game regular season and playoff games, there are two teams left to participate in the culmination event of the 2013 NFL season. The hard work put in by the San Francisco 49ers and Baltimore Ravens got them a trip to "The Big Easy" to play in this years championship game.
I too traveled to New Orleans during Super Bowl week. Unfortunately for me, it was not to relax and enjoy the festivities surrounding the big game. 

I had a different big event to attend. After four years of college, the MCAT, four years of medical school, my medical licensing exam (three separate tests), five years of general surgery residency including five ABSITE tests (our yearly in-service exam) and a written qualifying board exam, I made the trip for the "Big Uneasy" Super Bowl of surgery tests...the oral board certifying exam. 

A little background for all of those unfamiliar with this unique test. Surgeons who have completed their training and have passed their written boards are allowed to sit for the orals. If you pass, you have completed your training and are now a board certified general surgeon. The exam is compromised of three thirty minute sessions of case scenarios given by the leaders in the surgical world. (You know, the guys who run the big famous hospitals, write the textbooks, advise the president on healthcare policy. Little everyday stuff. Having already mastered clinical surgery and gotten bored with the things I've been studying the past 5 years, they have moved up the food chain and can't wait to eat us alive.) 

All general surgery residents get a sick feeling in their stomach whenever you mention that they will eventually have to take oral boards. The ones that don't get sick are the ones who know they are changing to an emergency medicine residency at the end of the year. Many horror stories are passed down from generation to generation about the oral board. My favorite story of surgical lore is when one of my colleagues was waiting outside his examination room to be invited in when the door opened and out walked a girl who immediately burst into tears. The examiners politely invited him in by saying "so you're next?" There is even an episode of Grey's Anatomy about it. (Which I haven't seen yet.). To their credit, The American board of surgery has made changes to the exam throughout the years, providing more structure and standardization to eliminate any hazing or snipe hunts. None the less, it is still extremely stressful to be seated in front of two surgical giants who present you with clinical scenarios that encompass the breadth and depth of surgical knowledge. Worse case scenario...you fail and get to look forward to retaking it. Or, you get so nervous that you mess yourself... and then fail.  

With this context set, I landed in New Orleans on Tuesday afternoon, seated next to a guy who would be working behind the scenes of the NFL awards show Saturday night. I knew I wasn't in Grand Rapids any longer when my Rastafarian cab driver with sweet dreads was talking on the phone in Creole and listening to some Caribbean music that made me want to work on my tan at the beach. 
Thankfully, I had made my hotel reservations back in November and was able to get a hotel room at the same place where the test was held. My plan was to do some last minute review for the afternoon, then head out for a nerdy dinner alone and  wander over to the ESPN set to catch a glimpse of some famous people.  

           My hotel room, exactly the same as the rooms the exam was given in.  

The concierge at the hotel gave me some recommendations for local creole and Cajun style food, but as I was walking to the restaurant I had second thoughts. "What if I got food poisoning tonight? What if I have developed a shellfish allergy and shrimp will make me suck down albuterol in the ED all night? What if the spices give me a perforated ulcer and I become one of the oral board scenarios? " I opted for a hamburger and fries. 

After dinner I pretended to be down in N.O. for the Super Bowl. I watched sports center being taped live, saw a few sports celebs (Archie Manning, Teddie Brueski, Chris Carter, Steve Levy, Jerry Rice.), had coffee and a beignet at Cafe du Monde (thanks Bailey for the recommendation), and enjoyed a stroll through the tame parts of the French Corridor. 

By 7 I had made it back safely to the hotel. I didn't want to stay out late for fear that I might start drinking and wake up in a back ally behind Bourbon St with all sorts of beads around my neck. :)
Lights out 10pm. 

                                                              ESPN Sportscenter

                                                     Archie Manning (Payton and Eli's Dad)

                                                                   Jerry Rice

CBS NFL show

6 am Wednesday January 30. Super Bowl Wednesday. I put on my suit, which by the way is the same suit I wore to my med school interviews back in 2002. That statement tells you three things about me...I'm cheap, ten years out of style, and have maintained my girlish figure. 

After a brief orientation alongside 60 other nervous clones in an eighty degree conference room I was given my room assignments. First room: 426. I made my way up, and realized that I still had about 15 minutes to kill. What do you do for 15 minutes while waiting in the hallway of a hotel? Look at the wallpaper and pray...for clarity of thought, peace, and that I don't have a stroke right there outside my first exam room. 

I struck up a conversation with the guy next to me, a pediatric surgery fellow in Miami named John Fitzwater, only to learn that he went to Tenwek hospital for three months during his residency and did research on esophageal cancer. It was totally a God thing that we were able to encourage each other and even pray together right outside our exam rooms. 

Before I knew it, my three rooms were completed. Room one went smooth. A lady with breast cancer, an alcoholic with colon cancer and liver mets, an elderly lady with all her stomach stuck in her chest, and an obese lady with a complication from bariatric surgery. Pretty run of the mill general surgery with a little sauce to make me think.
Room two was more of the same. I was feeling ok. No tears yet. And then, room three. Oh room three. Lets just say that the examiners in this room were experts in gentle manipulation to frustrate the crap out of you. I had a feeling this was coming, as I had recognized one of the names as a past president of the American College of Surgeons. He has had years of examination experience and I could tell he had perfected the ability to tease out what you know and what you don't.  God gave me that third room for a reason...to keep me humble.  

I left the exam with a sense of accomplishment, and a curious wonder of if I would be back next year.  In order to pass, you have to get thumbs up from the examiners in two of the three rooms.  I was fairly confident about room one, fairly distraught about room three, leaving it all up to room two.  I wouldn't find out until I got home...which proved to be a story all by itself.

My flight out of New Orleans was delayed due to weather in Chicago, forcing me to miss my connection to Grand Rapids.  Instead of getting home Wednesday night, I spent the night curled up on a bench in O'Hare airport too cheap to get a hotel room for 5 hours.  My rescheduled flight for 7:30 am was on time until the pilot abruptly aborted the takeoff and we coasted back to gate...mechanical problems...more delays.  I'm just glad the plane broke before we took off.  

As we were sitting on the runway I met two nice strangers and we decided to rent a car and just drive back to G.R.  I felt like the mom on Home Alone..."I have to get back to my son(s)!"  After a 3 hour drive with two new friends I finally arrived home...checked the ABS website...and found that I had PASSED!!!  No more tests!

When I was at Cedarville and was trying to decide whether to go to medical school, I told God that He would have to be with me through it all, because I knew I couldn't do it alone.  He led me through the MCAT, allowed me to get into Med school, and by His grace Erin, I and the boys have made it all the way to the end.  He is always faithful, and Solo Deo Gloria!

New Years Resolutions

I am not big on New Year's Resolutions. Usually they are things that people aim for but barely follow through on. However, I love the newness of a new year, a chance to start over, wipe clean and this year I am joining the ranks of those who aim to change in the new year. When I told Eric my resolutions, his first thought was, "well, those are kind of hard to measure". While they are, I think I will know intrinsically if I am meeting my own goals. 

One of my pet peeves are blogs that only show the "good side" of the family. The things they do well, the beautiful pictures, their creative moments, their funny stories. Though I like reading all those things, they make me feel like I, nor my little family, could never measure up to that, could never be that creative, fun, obedient, organized, beautiful or carefree. I mess up, get impatient, have ugly days, get cabin fever, long for it to be bedtime, and fail God. So my goal of this blog is to be real, to share how we are trying to grow and learn and be good parents/spouses and prepare to be (gasp!) missionaries. 

Okay, back to my resolutions....

Goal #1= To be a better mom

The people that I have mentioned this to so far have responded with, "Oh, you are such a good mom!". Now while I appreciate that, I also know my own weaknesses, faults, shortcomings and areas of selfishness. I am not looking for a pat on the back, just trying to be real. Being a mom is my "job" right now, and lately I have felt like I am not doing stellar work. Not all the reasons behind that are my fault. But some are. So here are the areas that I am going to try to improve. 

1) Help my boys learn to play together.   

Ever since Cole went to full day school this year, Cooper and Alex have struggled with how to play together. Most of the time they are begging me to play with them, or when I refuse because of something I actually need to get done around here, they lay on the floor waiting (im)patiently for me to be done and rescue them from each other. Cooper is not a leader, and AJ is too young to know how lead in play. I am going to look for ways (cause Heaven knows I haven't figured it out yet!) to teach them to be friends and playmates. 

2) Learn each child's love language and use that to show them love. 

They say you can't really tell a child's love language till they are 5, but I am going to try to figure it out. I plan to read Love Languages for Children. (I can't find my copy- did I lend it to YOU?) My kids are all very different, so hopefully this will help them feel special in the way they best receive love. 

3)Learn how to balance giving them what they need from me, with SOME time for myself

I really struggle with this because having 4 small children means they need help with EVERYTHING! I have no idea what I do all day, but somehow I am always doing something for someone. They are all small, but not all at the same level. So trying to "play" with them at the same time sometimes works and sometimes does not. So I meet basic needs (which takes up 70% of my time), then I try to play with them, but when the little ones are sleeping, I would LOVE to just have time to do what I want/need to do. However, I still have one (on school days, 2 on weekends) little person that could REALLY use one-on-one time and thrives from one-on-one time. But on the days Eric works, this is the only time I potentially have to myself till 8/8:30 at night. So I need to find balance. 

4) Have more dedicated "family time"

I like the idea of "family nights". Now while one could say that every night is family night while they are little, I think scheduling "family nights" and getting in the habit now will get them excited. This will lead to what I am looking for in the future, which is children and parents that enjoy being together. One of my biggest goals for my family is for us to always enjoy/want to be together.

5) Pray like crazy for these 4 precious boys and any other children we may adopt in the future.

I have a few more goals in this area, but I will keep them to myself, in order to protect the privacy of my kiddos. 

Goal #2= Contentment

Ah yes, that illusive goal. Contentment-  An internal satisfaction which does not demand changes in external circumstances. (Holman Bible Dictionary) or 

"Contentment is essentially a matter of accepting from God's hand what He sends because we know that He is good and therefore it is good" (J.I. Packer) or "A quiet heart is content with what God gives" (Elisabeth Elliott)

There are things that I would change about my circumstances if I could. Most of us would. But this year, I am seeking to be inwardly satisfied by what Christ has given me and done for me. They say that comparison is the thief of joy. I have found that to be SO true. When I start looking around and seeing what others have that I want, my joy is extinguished and I become resentful and dissatisfied. These are the five ways I am going to strive to accomplish this.

From Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow (page 13)

1. Never allow yourself to complain about anything, even the weather

2. Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else

3. Never compare your lot with another's

4. Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise

5. Never dwell on tomorrow- remember that tomorrow is God's, not ours

So there you have it. My goals. Feel free to ask me how they are going or give encouraging words. Know that I struggle just like you do and yet am striving to be the woman God wants me to be. Do YOU have any goals for the new year?

Christmas 2012

We had a bit of a different Christmas this year, as Eric had to work for the first time ever. I didn't think the boys would really realize it, since we are usually not in our own home anyway, and we would be celebrating with our families a different day, but Cole almost started crying when I told him. Thankfully, we ended up having a really great month of December, thanks to some of our own traditions, family and some really great friends.

We started out December with our Advent calendar. This is our 4th year doing it, and the boys have come to really enjoy it. Each day I put a paper in the slot that tells us what we are going to do that day. It can range from really fun and exciting things, like go to a Griffins hockey game or go play at a friends house, to simple things, like make a countdown paper chain, play with our nativity set or color Christmas pictures, to others-focused activities, like caroling with our church friends, or delivering cookies to our neighbors. My wonderful sister-in-law Katelynn sewed my calendar for me and I love it. I am hoping to take it to Africa with us. 

Our advent calendar!

Advent activity-Meijer Gardens with the Greens!

Advent activity- playing with the nativity set

Eric had to work the 5 days leading up to and through Christmas, but we managed to sneak some fun in there. He got off in time to go to our friend Brandi's birthday party on Saturday. My friend Paula invited the boys and I over Sunday evening to hang out with them and her extended family. Though it was not a big deal, it meant so much to be able to just be with others and not be stuck at home again all day. 

Christmas Eve!

Christmas Eve the boys and I headed to Eric's parents (about an hour away)  for the day to hang out with his parents and his sister (and her family). It was a really nice day, even though there were 7 very excited little people running around. We all missed Eric! 

The boys and I headed back to Grand Rapids that snowy night and woke up in our house for the very first time on Christmas morning. We were invited over to my dear friend Brandi's house for Christmas brunch and had a lovely time with her and her family. The boys were really excited to play with her kiddos and we had a super yummy brunch! 

Coloring with the Alexanders!

Cole and Micah playing 20 questions-so fun!

We then headed home for naps and after that were able to head over to the hospital to visit Eric around 4:00. We had "Christmas dinner" at Butterworth cafeteria. Quite the dinner, we got the kids a pathetic looking mini-pizza, 2 chicken strips and 2 bags of chips to split :) Eric and I passed on this fine cuisine, but the boys were thrilled. Tucker managed to both puke and pee on Eric while he was holding him. 

Christmas Dinner 2012

Family Christmas picture- Butterworth Hospital :)

After we exhausted all of their good behavior, we said goodbye and headed over to hang out with my friend Jenn's extended family. It was  beautiful madhouse of people, so we were able to blend right in and enjoy being with a lovely, welcoming family instead of just us at home. Eric was even able to join us at the end! 

Pictionary with the Miedema's!

The day after Christmas we headed out to Ohio to celebrate with my family. It hadn't snowed all winter, but we had terrible weather to travel to Ashland! We made it though, and had a fun few days with my parents, my brothers, their wives, 5 little boys, 1 baby girl and 3 dogs! It was a bit of a madhouse at times but a lot of fun. The boys had a great time.

Breakfast with cousin Kael!

Cousin time!

Mousetrap with the uncles

Out to play in the snow

 We then headed to PA to celebrate with my extended family. It is always fun to be with my cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents. I miss them all so much when I don't get to see them! 

My grandparents with their first Great-granddaughter, Annabelle

So thankful for all our family and friends that helped to make our holiday memorable, our last stateside Christmas for a while! Stay tuned to for our first African Christmas!

Can't Relate

So all my little life I wished for a sister and begged my parents to have another child in hopes that it would be that sister I wanted so desperately (I never thought through the fact that we would be a minimum of 10 years apart, but that's beside the point). So when that never happened I decided that I would have two daughters (and some sons thrown in there) to be the sisters that I never had. Somehow God thought my plan had some flaws in in and to date (though I haven't given up on the hope of having two daughters someday) I have FOUR BOYS. Yes. Four boys. Boys are something. These are just a few ways I CANNOT RELATE.

*Boys love wrestling. They adore getting tackled to the ground, having others jump on your head, knee you in the stomach, pull your hair, tickle you, etc. What about this sounds fun? 

*Boys eat VAST amounts of food. It is not uncommon for Cole to eat 2 bowls of cereal, applesauce, an English muffin, a banana and a left-over turkey leg for breakfast. And he's SIX. I am planning on getting a job in about 10 years to supplement my husband's surgeon's salary, just to pay our grocery bill. 

*Holes in pants. I have owned a lot of pants in my life.  I don't think I have ever gotten a hole in the knee of a single one. And yet, another pair of pants bites the dust around here on a daily basis. I try to tell them that they are still going to wear them, that they are actually in style that way, but they aren't buying it. The alternative I fear, is that I am going to be forced to open a sweatshop in my basement, using child labor and make my own pants. No matter how much I try to convince them not to dive on the ground, it is to no avail. I think it all comes back to #1. 

*Boys love the word TOOT. Or any bathroom humor, which I abhor. Enough said.

*Boys hate all things pink and glittery. How do they know at age 2 that pink is a girl color? I guess I should clarify that they do indeed like glitter, especially all over my kitchen floor, just not PINK and glittery, which I for one, think is very pretty.

And yet, God in his mercy has given me boys that DO like some of the same things I do. Cole reads like it is going out of style, taking after his mother. We can share our passion for the written word and someday race to finish the same book. They all love baking and cooking with me. (a little too much at times as they fight over who gets to pour the flour into the bowl......oh, there goes the flour all over the floor). Cooper loves to shop. He especially loves to be my grocery shopping buddy (maybe it has something to do with #2?) So while the boys beg for daddy to come home and play with them (which I love) they still will give old mom the time of day every once in a while ;) And maybe someday I will get that little lady (or ladies) to cover in pink glitter.  

Snippits of Kenya

I was procrastinating yesterday (pretending I was studying for oral boards) and I came across a few YouTube clips about Kenya and Tenwek.  The footage allowed Erin and I to get a glimpse of what life will be like in 10 months, and we thought we should share it with all of you.  I've pasted the links below.

It is amazing how much smaller the world has become in the past 50 years.  As the missionaries of the 50's and 60's prepared to travel across the globe, they had only a few photographs, letters, and stories of what they were getting into.  Now days Erin and I have video clips, Facebook relationships with current missionaries, blog posts describing daily life, and conversations with missionaries at Tenwek over the phone.  (Who would have thought that Kenyan cell phones had good rates on intercontinental long distance?)  I feel fortunate to have these resources, and have even more respect for the past generations of Christ followers who walked by faith into the complete unknown...following a calling... led by the light of His word... seeking to increase the number of worshipers in His kingdom.

The four hour ride from Nairobi to Tenwek condensed into 4 minutes   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tP6TNOFQnxs

A video put together by 3 families who just finished their 2 years at Tenwek and are now headed onto bigger adventures.  Jason and Heather Fader have become a huge blessing to us as an excellent resource of information for what is to come.  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kEfeX1cdRQc&feature=related

Grocery shopping a.k.a. Horror Show

Grocery shopping with your kids. That's enough to make any mom's blood run cold. Who needs a haunted house this time of year? You want a horror show? Come grocery shopping with me. So today was that day for me. I subject myself to this torture once a week. Why? Because if I don't we run out of fruit and milk and my kids starting eating wood chips and toilet water. 

Anyways, we get up and at 'em bright and early this morning, put the baby down for a nap, wake the baby up from nap (b/c of course he decides to take the longest morning nap of his little life TODAY), and head out. Four year old doesn't want to wear a coat, even though its 40 degrees. Who cares? One less thing to keep tract of. Get to Meijer and try to find one of those Ginormous carts with a bench. That are next to impossible to steer. That make you bump into little old ladies and knock over displays of mascara. And why? Because your children beg you for that cart. Even though, ironically, you spend the whole time reminding them to get back ONTO said bench, not to lay on the ground, please stop dragging your feet and sit down, if you fall off this we are headed to the hospital WITHOUT a free Meijer cookie. 

First thing we have to do is stop and mail a package at the Customer Service. I wait approximatley 20 years in line, which makes it only slightly better than my arch nemesis, the Post Office. Finally we mail our package (Happy Birthday, Geneva- you BETTER like it! ;) We then head for the non-food side of the store b/c we need a few things. I always debate this, it adds precious time, but without this stop I will have no conditioner for my brittle, dry hair and no light bulbs to replace the ones my kids broke by throwing pillow pets at their ceiling. So we go. We have to stop to examine the 75 off clearance Halloween section (I can't blame that on the kids), pick up the rack of clothes we knock over, remove the clearance Halloween skulls that end up in the cart, pick up some Halloween sprinkles (let's face it, I'm a sucker for sprinkles. Hush you sprinkle haters.) and move on to the food side. 

Pick up toy baby drops on ground. Cringe that I have nothing to clean them off with, but then remember I probably wouldn't take the time to even if I had a sink and soap right there. Try to keep children in my vicinity. Where's my list? Refuse their desire to buy 16 varieties of yogurt. Try to get them to sit down on that dang bench. My BP is slowly rising to dangerous levels that will land me in the hospital.....Yeah! Maybe then I won't have to finish this shopping trip!

Then we reach the bakery. I use the free Meijer cookie as a total bribe. So they have been good enough to get a cookie (and by good I mean "what can I possibly do that is insane and yet not get my cookie taken away?")

We are almost done! (with store #1- yes, I am so cheap that I subject myself to this again at Aldi) We get to the check out and I tell them they can go ride the Horsey (to avoid having them touch every item in the check-out line) I give them a penny, which Alex seems to like more than the horse and throws/retrieves numerous times before rubbing it all over his face. Note to self- pack wipes next time. 

We make it out of Meijer in one piece, only forgetting one thing (which I will not go back for- don't worry, it's not one of the children, even I'd go back for them). We then have to stop and feed the baby in the van, during which the children redeem themselves by being super cute and singing me songs and telling me jokes. 

We then head to Aldi, where the baby seat does not fit in the baby portion of the cart, so he has to sit in the big part of the basket, and I have to stuff any groceries around him. There is no bench cart (which they don't sit in anyway) so the other two must "walk" (read: run and crash into things). I love that Aldi is small and we can be in and out of there in 20 minutes. We make it out with my sanity hanging by a thread, but still there. What has kept me from leaping over the edge? (this is the part you should have been waiting for this whole time!)

I was reminded of my Bible study lesson from this week. My Side By Side Bible study is studying Linda Dillow's book Satisfy My Thirsty Soul (which I HIGHLY recommend) and our chapter last week was I Bow My Attitude. So as I would get really frustrated, I would remind myself of these truths:

At least you have these insane precious children to take with you. You have a grocery store in which you can buy any food item you would ever need. You have money to buy groceries. You have electricity to light your way and keep your food safe. You have a van to drive it home in. You are healthy enough to do this trip, which you could never imagine 6 months ago. You have a God who can sustain you through even this. You are soooo totally blessed. Get over this grumbling attitude. 

The culprits 

Breathe. Okay, we're home now, Diet Coke downed and kids taking a nap. We will make it. Thank you, Lord for that reminder.