As a doctor's wife (or doctor-in-training) for the past 8 1/2 years, I have had to learn to be independent, strong, and self-sufficient. It was something I had to learn and it was uncomfortable at times, but I did it. However, I may have taken those qualities a little too far.
Here's a little secret about me...ready? I like control. I know, I know, you're shocked. I am a classic first-born, type-A planner. I make lists of my lists. I plan things out months in advance. I want to be in charge. But you know what? That can be exhausting. And unnecessary. God has asked to take the reigns, let Him plan my course and recommended that I step back and let Him. And ya know, He does a much better job than I ever could. Now, He doesn't always do things the way I would (what? shocker!) but He is infinitely more creative, wise, and caring than I and has more resources at His disposal.
We recently had a Sunday School class retreat and had lessons from Rob and Rhinda Hayden, missionaries from our church. From their teaching I realized that dependence (on the Lord) can be a gift. It is very freeing to let go, and let the One who is much better equipped than I, handle things. To do my best, but ultimately surrender control. Some of the things that I am trying to let go and depend on the Lord for are:
how my kids are going to turn out
heading to Africa
homeschooling
our desire to adopt
From the devotional Jesus Calling, "When some basic need is lacking -time, energy, money- consider yourself blessed. Your very lack is an opportunity to latch onto Me in unashamed dependence. When you begin a day with inadequate resources, you must concentrate your efforts on the present moment. This is where you are meant to live- in the present; it is the place where I always await you. Awareness of your inadequacy is a rich blessing, training you to rely wholeheartedly on Me."
Yes Lord, may it be so.
