Last night Eric and I were talking about pessimism vs optimism. In our family, Eric is the optimist and I am what I like to call the realist (I realize some might call this a pessimist...) I don't think I have always played this role, maybe something about the last 5 years has made me this way. Anyways, my default is often to first see the bad and the difficult in a situation, and only after processing for a while can I start to see the good. I had a break down moment today. In this crazy health journey I have been taking the past 2 months, it seems if there is a complication possible, I get it. I have gotten not one, but 2 absesses, had IV's go bad, developed infections from my meds, etc. So when I got a call today saying they had to change my IV antibiotic again, from a once a day 1/2 hour drip to a twice a day 1 hour drip, I wanted to lose it. This means now I am forced to be at home every morning and evening to get my medicine. Now in this panicked state I am visualizing how bad I have it, how I will never go anywhere again my life, I am now a home-bound prisoner, how all the bad things happen to me. Once I calmed down, I remembered that I will only be on these IV antibiotics for 1-2 more weeks. (Lord willing) This is not for the rest of my life. (well, at least Eric tells me it's not) But isn't it hard to change perspectives sometimes?? Yet the Bible tells me in I Thess. 5 16-18 "Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus". I would like to say that is an optional passage for me, but I don't think the Bible works that way ;) Apparently, Jesus doesn't think dwelling in my pity party is the best way to spend my day. So I am going to take these negative thoughts that I've had today and change them around....
*It is raining and I have errands to run--> I am able to be up and about now instead of stuck in the hospital
*I am so tired because all 4 of my children wake me up in the night, not just the newborn--> I am blessed to have 4 healthy beautiful children that I get to care for
*We are still in survival mode, which means nothing gets done the way it used to--> My sacrificial, gracious mom has been here for 2 months helping us survive
*I still have a PICC line in my arm and keep having set-backs at every turn--> I am able to be home, not in the hospital, and have doctors working hard to solve the mystery that is my body
* I have a fussy baby who never wants to be put down -->It forces me to hold him and spend time with him (even if he is screaming in my ear)
*I am forced to sit for 2 hours a day getting meds-->Maybe this gets me out of doing the dishes?? ;)
Please pray that I can keep perspective...and toss this IV pole in the trash next Monday!
You forgot to mention that because of the PICC line, you get to wear a really cool tattoo sleeve - I mean, come on, that is COOL! Will continue to pray for you, Erin, and your fussy boy. Love, Heidi
ReplyDeleteI love this, Erin! Great perspective.
ReplyDeleteWere any of your other boys fussy? My 2nd baby was and I highly recommend Happiest Baby on the Block if you're looking for reading material :)
So funny, I've always called myself a "realist" too. I feel like I need to think about and face the worst possible scenario than I can move past it and realize the good in where I am and realize that God will sustain me even if I go through the worst. Probably would be better to just take it to God though and know He'll take care of it no matter what :). Still praying for you and the fussy baby, that is so tough.
ReplyDeleteJust read this old post of yours. Totally get what you are saying. I'd like to say that when I am overwhelmed (read "when the kids are monsters")I remember to count my blessings, but that wouldn't be the truth! But when I do get a grip on things I reflect on friends who have lost a child or a husband. . .they would give anything to have the priviledge of getting up with that child in the night again, or deal with the husband's faults.
ReplyDeleteAnd, really, you should definitely capitalize on the not-having-to-wash-the-dishes scenario whenever possible. :)