One Year Later

  One year ago, my life took a very unexpected turn. One year ago. In many ways it seems like 30 years ago. Did that really happen to me? I have been trying to reflect, to think back on those crazy few months of our lives, and what I always come back to is not what I ever thought would be my first memory. My first thought is never how bad it was (thought it definitely had bad parts) but it is the love that was extended to us, and the healing that God chose to give.
  When I really stop and think about that time, I remember the physical pain being the hardest thing. The neck and back pain were awful, and the first time I got out of bed after my surgery, I literally couldn't even walk. I also remember riding in a wheelchair to visit with my children and being jealous when I saw people walking up and down stairs and not even giving it a second thought! How dare they!! And yet a mere 360 some days later, I am buying new running shoes, because I have worn my other ones out. Real life miracles.
  I recently decided to re-read the cards that people sent me when I was in the hospital. As I carried the overflowing gift bag down the stairs, it broke because it was so full. As I read I recalled looking forward to mail time everyday, because I was so encouraged by what people had to say. I was also (and still am) humbled by HOW MANY PEOPLE were praying for me.Most people who knew me were praying, but so were MANY people and churches that I had never heard of and may never meet till Heaven. Very humbling.
What is even more humbling is that God chose to answer EVERY ONE of our prayers. We (well, not me. I was busy trying to die) prayed that I would live. He said yes. We prayed that my heart would recover from loss of function. He said yes. We prayed that I would get out of the hospital. He said yes, eventually. We prayed that my previous strength and quality of life would return. Though at the time I thought he was saying no, He did, after 4 short months, say yes. We prayed that the IV antibiotics would finally take away the abscess once and for all. He said yes. We prayed that our children would not have lasting scars from this time in their life. He said yes. (at least what we can tell thus far). We prayed that we would bring Him glory and somehow encourage others through our reaction to our pain. He allowed us to do that.We give Him glory because it was nothing we, or even my awesome, smart doctors could do. But I must be clear, that even if He did not choose to do all that we asked, He still would have been good, loving and wise. He would still have been the Blessed Controller of my life.  I am so thankful for the second chance I was given.
  God enriched relationships during that time. He showed us true sacrificial love. He showed us the importance of community and church family. We will not soon forget these things. Do I wish that my sickness had never happened? No. Though it was hard, we learned much and saw God in some very real ways.
I recently read a quote that seems very appropriate as I think back on this time. "To embrace suffering is to welcome God's work in your life, even in the most unimaginable circumstances. To embrace suffering is to enjoy God's presence in your life even when you are filled with questions for Him. To embrace suffering is to enter into a deeper relationship with God that you could not have enjoyed without experiencing penetrating pain. The suffering not only makes you crave such a relationship, it gives you the capacity to savor it. Ultimately  to embrace suffering is to allow your now broken heart to me much more easily broken by the things that break the heart of God. To embrace suffering is to become more aware of and more apt to engage with the suffering of the world around you. Don't run from suffering. Embrace it and you will find yourself enriched and renewed." (Nancy Guthrie  The One Year Book of Hope)
  So as hard as it may be, my challenge to everyone is to live each day to the fullest. Embrace whatever God gives you. You never know when your world is going to turn upside down. And if/when it does, be ready for what God is going to teach you.