Comfy in My own Skin

Disclaimer: This is full disclosure. Don't judge. 

So 33 has been a big year for me. I had my 4th baby. Eric graduated residency. I had a near-death experience. But what I want to write about is how it has taken me 33 years to finally come to the point where I am learning who I really am and am becoming confidant in that. I wouldn't say that I was necessarily an insecure person, but there were a lot of things in life that other people thought or did differently than I, and it always made me want to rethink my position. I just wasn't confident in being different. I felt that if other people felt strongly about something, then I should consider thinking the way they do. That is fine, to an extent. But I am learning that there is no "right way" in most cases. (Unless we are talking about sin, there there is a right and a wrong) My opinion can be different than my friends, my peers, my family, even than people I respect. I have felt pressure (self-imposed for the most part) to be a certain way. But God has created me uniquely, with different likes, abilities, desires, goals and gifts than anyone else. I have seriously struggled with guilt over some of these things for a long time. But God is giving me freedom from that. So here are some things I have learned, first what I used to believe, and now what I have realized is true for me: (some are big things, some are not so important) 

I should read more of the classics--> I've tried. I just don't like them. I have a hard time understanding old language. So what? I can read what I want!

I should buy/feed my family organic food---> I would love to. I think it is great, I really do. But I can't afford it. So we'll just eat a balanced diet of pesticide laden food and pray for mercy. 

I shouldn't drink pop.---> It's not the best thing for ya, but a Diet Coke every other day just makes me happy. And keeps me from falling asleep while reading Wild Animal Babies for the 18th time.

I should not buy anything processed, but make all my own bread, can all my own food and avoid all 

preservatives---> Again, I love to homemake things, but at this point in life, I am thankful for Meijer Unsweetened Applesauce. 

I should be on the ground playing with my kids all the time ----> I am more of a boardgames, books, puzzles, baking kind of girl. I am no WWF wrestler. I hate getting my hair pulled and elbows in my eye. And I have a husband for that! 

I should have my baby on a schedule----> In most areas of life, I am super organized, scheduled and together. But this baby #4 seems to like to go with the flow, and that works for us this time, with carpooling, grocery shopping and 3 other kids. 

I should like (and use) the cloth diapers I have---> Okay people, I've tried. And I hate them. I am NOT the pioneer woman after all.  I will have to use them in Africa (Lord have mercy), so I am going to take a little hiatus from them until then. Don't judge. Who really likes scraping poop?

I should stay home more days and not go out so much---> I am who I am. I am an out and about kind of girl. I have passed that on to my kids. So we LIKE to go out most days. And that's okay.

 

I should be able to clean the house, make dinner, play with my kids, do the grocery shopping, write thank-you notes, and sew curtains----> I can't do it all. (and I don't even know how to sew a button, let alone curtains!)

After 4 years of running, I should be able to go faster and farther than I can---->I know this is shocking, but I do not have a runners body. I pant, gasp for breath, do my absolute best, and still snails pass me. So I will just go my own speed and be thankful that my body works. After all, just 6 months ago I couldn't walk up the stairs!

For my height, I should weigh a certain amount-->So what girl do you know that doesn't struggle with this on some level? Thanks a lot, American culture! Still working on this one, but trying to love the body God gave me. (scars and all!)

I should decorate my house--->I love all of your beautiful homes ( I really do!) but I've been called to a simpler life. And I am super cheap. And nice stuff is expensive. 

I should be a deep thinker---> I wish I were, I really do, but for Heaven's sake, I occasionly get lost in my Sunday school class. (Heidi Vriesman, back me up here)

I should have strong opinions about everything--->I just don't. I am middle of the road about most things and that's okay. 

So there you have it. What is God teaching you??